Whether they are chatting on the phone, at a networking event, or over a snack at a local coffee shop, good networkers know that the strength of any relationship is based on the questions they ask. They could be questions about the other person's interests, goals, and achievements, or they might be on what's happening in their business, their industry, or even in their personal life. Of all the questions I've asked over the years, though, the one that seems most likely to be misunderstood is the one that should give us the greatest success...

"How can I help you?"

From my networking experience, I know that the best way to succeed in business long term is to be willing to help others first. Unfortunately, folks often misinterpret this simple offer as me asking "Do you have work for me?" I know that this has happened when they tell me that they don't have anything for me right now, but they will keep me in mind. Whenever I hear something like this, I cringe. I know that what was supposed to be an offer of assistance has suddenly caused them to perceive me as a "salesman" (with all of that role's negative connotations). The likelihood that they will return my calls in the future is vanishingly small.

The other challenge of getting good answers to this question lies in a certain lack of imagination on their part. Most people can only think of one way you can help - by passing them business. While it is possible that I might know someone who needs their help, it is far more likely that I don't (at least not right at the moment). Am I therefore constrained from helping them in any way? How am I to discover what other needs they might have?

Not long ago, I was reading Jeffrey Gitomer's "The Little Black Book of Connections" and came across a better way to ask how you can help. Woven into your conversation should be the simple phrase (or an equivalent): "What are your needs in the coming year?" You could even follow that up with "How can I help you with your weasel wrangling problem?" This assumes, of course, that the person with whom you are speaking has some sort of weasel wrangling deficiency.

Suddenly the possibilities to assist your networking partner have multiplied ten-fold. They might have challenges with getting their kids into a good school, or finding financing for their next big business purchase, or getting a good deal on fast, quality printing. By increasing your chances of being able to help them, you also increase your chances of becoming more memorable. With word-of-mouth marketing, that is the goal.

So, the next time you are sitting across the table from someone or chatting while you wait in line for the buffet, remember that in order to help them you really need to know what they need. The best way to find out it to ask.

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